


Confessions of a Shadow

by SomewhereNotHere



Category: Persona 4, Persona Series
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Confessions, Feelings, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-08 14:02:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6857935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomewhereNotHere/pseuds/SomewhereNotHere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Souji stands there; sword in hand, body in a defensive position. He doesn’t wish to fight, doesn’t wish to start on the offensive, but if it has to come to that, then he won’t allow himself to back down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confessions of a Shadow

Souji stands there; sword in hand, body in a defensive position. He doesn’t wish to fight, doesn’t wish to start on the offensive, but if it has to come to that, then he won’t allow himself to back down.

“Come on,  _partner_ , gimme your best shot!”

There’s a kunai no more than an inch away from his face by the time he dodges the attack– No, if he had dodged it completely, there wouldn’t be blood dripping from his cheek. It stings, yet it’s not something to cause alarm. He’s used to worse from Shadows in other areas of the TV world.

“I know you can do better than that, we all know you can. Start fighting like you  _mean_  it, dammit!”

In hindsight, maybe he should have seen something like this coming. For days now Yosuke had not been completely himself, acting more like a shell of himself compared to his usual loud personality.

When he received a text asking if they could train in the TV world, just the two of them, Souji had jumped at the opportunity blindly. Knowing how gruelling the place could be, it was foolish of him to think they would be fine on their own. All he had cared about at the time was the chance of finally being able to help Yosuke with whatever was bothering him, and most importantly seeing him back to his usual self.

Souji never thought it’d be Yosuke’s Shadow of all things waiting for him, attacking him as soon as he jumped into the TV.

“This isn’t getting us anywhere!” he shouts, giving up on even attempting to talk normally any more when nothing is getting through, “Why are you doing this!?”

The Shadow laughs, lunging towards him once more. Souji lifts his knee up just in time to wind him in the ribs, causing him to fall to his knees wheezing. He hates the thought of hurting him, can’t see it as anything but hurting Yosuke himself, even if he knows it not to be true.

Yet he pushes on, grabbing the Shadow by his throat with a shaky hand, while his other holds his weapons. Souji does not squeeze, only holding him there on the floor, kneeling over him to keep his body in place.

_‘I’ve had enough of those kunai for one day…’_

Fighting Yosuke’s Shadow like this, compared to the first time, is more exhausting than he thought it’d be. Ending this how they’d usually do it would be easy, but Souji doesn’t know if–

“Scared of hurting me, huh?” the Shadow laughs in such a way that has Souji tightening his grip, dropping the kunai in his hand to land a punch right against the brunette’s chest.

It winds him again, that much is clear from the noise that comes out of his mouth along with the profanities, and Souji can’t help the smile that crosses his lips for a split second.

“Why are you doing this?” Souji repeats his earlier question, surprised by how calm he sounds to himself, however it doesn’t mean much when the Shadow spits in his face, causing him to tighten his grip yet again.

“Wouldn’t  _you_  like to know? I thought you’d have figured it out by how close you are to me.”

“It’s not you I’m close to, it’s Yosuke.”

All it takes is Souji’s hand loosening on the other’s throat from the guilt of seeing the beginnings of bruises forming to give the Shadow a chance to catch him off guard.

Picking up the abandoned kunai on the floor, he swipes at Souji, just about catching the ends of his fingers as he moves off and tries to get out of the way in time. It stings, but it’s not the end of the world when he could have lost them altogether.

“Sorry about that,” the Shadow sighs, teasing tone all but gone from his voice, sounding more tired and annoyed, “Here.”

He grabs Souji’s hand, bringing it up close to his face where he licks at the blood, sucking on his index finger and biting hard.

The sound of a hand smacking against his cheek should have been foreseeable, yet it still comes as a shock when it’s followed by a string of punches to his face, chest, and stomach.

It makes him feel alive when compared to how his own self has made him feel; with how Souji’s beloved best friend has been keeping so many things inside, causing him to manifest into what he is once again.

He hates himself, and at least that’s one thing which Yosuke’s able to admit is true… not that he’s here to say it. Wherever he is, the Shadow can feel the admittance of the feeling, and that’s more than enough.

_‘If only you’d admit the rest.’_  he’s tired, too tired to continue existing, yet here he is fighting Souji.

“If Yosuke hates me,” Souji stops with the punches, holding the beaten and bruised Shadow up by his uniform collar, “If  _you_  hate me, please… Just tell me.”

Suddenly it hurts inside like nothing he’s ever experienced before, and that in itself shouldn’t be possible; he’s a Shadow for crying out loud, they don’t  _feel_  anything. They’re only a front, an empty void able to portray the inner thoughts and feelings of those who deny the existence of them to begin with.

He’s a transparent window to the inside, to the true self; nothing more, nothing less.

“Hate you?  _Hate_  you…?” he stresses the word, and he can see the Fool is uncomfortable with even the thought of it.

It’s his own fault for even suggesting such a thing. The Shadow would laugh under normal circumstances, yet with this ever growing pain inside his chest, he can’t seem to find the will to do so.

No, he just stares at Souji, glare intense, and after a while the Fool strikes him against his cheek again out of frustration. He can see the regret in his eyes, has been able to ever since he started hurting him back.

_'You’re something else.’_

“If you don’t hate me, what is it? Jealousy? I thought we were fine.”

The more Souji speaks, the weaker he sounds as he finally lets him go, and  _that_  has the Shadow laughing; it’s not like he’s the one with a broken rib cage (or what feels like it).

No, he’s not the one still fighting inner demons, the perfect leader that he is; the perfect best friend that he is who won’t leave a friend alone until they’re fine again, even if he is the cause of the problem himself.

It hurts to be around Souji for Yosuke, and he can’t stand it.

“Souji,” the Shadow mutters his name, no particularly readable expression on his face, “I like you.”

“What?”

“I like you.”

The Fool is taken aback by something like that being said so easily. It’s not something that disgusts him, rather something he had longed to hear from Yosuke’s lips himself, and here his Shadow is confirming such feelings to be true before him.

He doesn’t remember exactly when his feelings for the brunette began to change, but what he does know is that it was painful for himself to be around Yosuke at times.

Souji never pushed his own feelings away, knowing that his Shadow would manifest like Yosuke’s had, accepting how things were. That didn’t mean he was any less affected by lying to Yosuke’s face every time the question “So, you interested in anyone?” was asked.

“You like me…” the words leave his mouth in disbelief, “You… really like me…?”

The Shadow stiffens where he stands, nodding his response, “So much I can’t stand it, partner.”

He can hear Yosuke’s normal tone there more than the distorted sound of a Shadow’s voice, and it makes his chest tighten.

Those three words make him forget about all the fighting beforehand, the feeling of wanting nothing more than to rid Yosuke of his Shadow with his own hands – whether there were consequences or not – with the fear of his best friend actually loathing him inside.

Souji is relieved that none of what he thought was actually true, and for the moment it has him laughing; really laughing, with a hearty chuckle accompanied by a smile that not only shows on his lips, but in his eyes as well.

“You think this is funny…?”

“No, I just… Never thought I’d hear something like this from a Shadow.”

“Never thought I’d have to be the one to tell you, but we all know how much of a coward I am.”

The Shadow lets himself slowly fall back where he sits on the floor, legs and arms crossed, with a painful expression on his face. He’d hit himself right now if Yosuke were around, but there’s no point in “if” scenarios when all that has been needing to be said has already.

“Liking someone and letting them know is…” Souji joins him where he sits, leaning in closer than is necessary, which only causes the Shadow’s cheeks to turn pink, “A brave thing to do. Shadow or not, be proud of that.”

He’s not human, far from it, yet the emotions he holds, the actual  _feeling_  in his chest, is the most humane feeling of all.

A Shadow shouldn’t be able to fall in love.

“I see why he likes you so much.”

“Why  _you_  like me so much.”

A Shadow is the most suppressed part of a person, one’s inner thoughts and feelings manifested into something that can put them on full display, even if exaggerated.

They should not be swept away by small words and actions alone, should not allow themselves to grow into something that holds another close to them, and yet…

When Souji leans in to capture the Shadow’s lips with his own, he does not pull away. No, instead he tugs on Souji’s uniform, pulling him down as he leans back on the floor.

The Shadow’s tongue traces Souji’s lips, and when he hears a hum of content, he slowly slips his tongue inside his mouth.

Kissing him like this, being able to taste him like this as his tongue explores his mouth and teases the Fool’s tongue with light flicks, not yet doing what he wants is… rather exhilarating.

He never thought he’d be making out with the human – that should have been Yosuke’s job first – and he’s pretty sure that Souji never thought he’d be doing this with a Shadow either.

“I like you too,” Souji gasps for breath once they finally part, face slightly flushed, “I really like you.”

The Shadow places a hand on Souji’s thigh, tracing circles against him with his index finger. It makes him shiver and sigh, cheeks only becoming redder with each motion.

“Just promise to get  _him_  to admit the same once you leave here. For now, I… kinda wanna stay like this for a while longer…”

“I promise.”


End file.
